i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
