His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
