I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
