so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
