I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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