what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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