I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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