I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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