Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
