Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
my liver is dry heaving
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
