I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
