I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
