I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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