there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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