weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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