can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
