Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
worst night to have a conscience
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
