I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
