Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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