everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
