i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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