This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
