Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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