I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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