WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
