At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
