remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
tell me about the eggs
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