we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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