Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
