So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Still dying that you shit outside
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
