So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
