I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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