i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
