Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
