final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
