Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i now understand why vodka
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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