She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
