Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
