Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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