Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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