Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
