yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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