Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
