If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
no you cant smoke seaweed
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
