I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
