Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
