take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
