I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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