2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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