Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
