3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
