At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
