I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
