My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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